i falter; i crumble

running away - midnight hour

2007-10-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

remember baby, i love you. so so much. imdyingbaby

love of mine <3dont lie and say that its okay its all right if theres nothing more to say

ill never let you find me

im leaving you behind with the past, no i wont look back

and i, i wanna hear your reasons

i wanna hear you tell me why i should stay

and try, try to understand me

try to understand what i say, when i say i cant stay

i, im moving on from this place,

im leaving and i wont wait, im running away

maybe for now, let me just run

i wna find my own way back

and see where i end up

baby, i loveyou. im missing you real bad.

can you feel me breaking at your feet.

you got me wrapped around you

i can hardly breathe without you

but this is, goodbye

FLY FUCK

2007-10-17T06:15:00.000-07:00

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN

let it roll

2007-10-17T05:34:00.000-07:00

excuse me, is this movie over yet?

i'll be alright. i swear.
tmr, i have school. so i'll be alright.
im fucking almost fucking sure i'll be alright.

told you not to push the lying too far. i told you.

maybe its just my imagination
who wouldn think you'd stop loving me
who wouldn think i'd stop loving you

hey, now maybe we can be more than friends,
it doesn matter to her, doesn matter to me either
so make your move lady.

come heartbreak, hit me with your strongest
and leave her alone.
she is prolly too selfish to feel you
hit me, i'll take her blow for her

thankyou.

wna share the air i breathe?

i love you.
but i wont anymore. goodbye.
i was willing to go through the pain for you again
but you aren willing to do it for me.
wait hey we're back to the same thing again.
sorry but now, im
Gone, like you said.

the bedside

2007-10-17T01:01:00.000-07:00

yesterday seemed so long ago. fuck time

its four am and im waking up to your perfume

you can lie, just dont push it too far

i can hardly tell you im okay at least till yesterday
and you know you caught me off my highest guard

he's all over you, now why's that.

im trying to disappear. im almost alive, im almost dead
i’ll give you my heart on a string, Do you want it? tell me, go ahead.

maybe it's just me, couldn you believe that everything I said and did, wasn just deceiving and the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

now repeat after me: jump aim stab

im invinsible im strong im hercules
i can do this
(if self denial works, im all for it)

sing to me, speak softly now

2007-10-17T00:09:00.000-07:00

okay school starts Thursday, ( tmrw) ): fboring
and okay lets see!

Monday 15102007
spent it with euge (:
we went vivo, saw her little favourite hamsters (: and her favourite dog (:
(she likes a lot of things)
we went to watch balls of fury (:
and these are moments i’ll never forget
cos you’ve got yourself engraved right in this heart baby -mlfl

one day you and i will be free, to live and die by our own rules
im almost alive and i need you to try, and save me its okay that im dying
but i need to survive, tonight <3

im desperate for your voice,
would you pop over here and whisper something into my ear baby?
-sure baby, anything for you :)

Remember what you whispered baby?

I was born, to tell you I love you <3
just died in your arms tonight.

iloveyoubutidontknowhowthisdistanceisgnasolveanythingbabywouldyou

pleasethinkaboutitineedyoutotsupportmetogothroughthiswithmebutyourenot

youreleavingmeheretosinkand

youexpectmetodobetterthanihadyoueuge

youknowitsclearlyimpossibleineedyou

andidonowmorethaneverpleasethink

ifweloveeachotherhowsthisdistancepossiblewearejustgnakilleachother

withtheheartacheseverynightandiknowhowpainful

itiscosihavetogothroughittooiloveyoubabyifidontgetyoubackimgnaregretallmylife

imnothingwithoutyoucosyouremyeverything

-mlfl

(dontbother reading, cos its too small)

Remember what you called me yours at the bus stop?

Tuesday Wednesday
tuesday morning was horrible I tell you
i couldn find it, i was so desperate i just sat there flipping everything
fibre dust there is and crying even my maid got scared cos i refused to eat or drink
haha i never eat breakfast and lunch.
its alright. I gotta make it even if I gotta fake it.

Class chalet (:
Went over with Nicole and shan and becks (:
-tons of fun, in the rain and KFC -nic left after KFC like fivethirty.
-went to play arcade and me becks and shan are like pros at photo finder
-we tired ourselves playing rounds after rounds of basketball hahahaha

At night, we slept like for two hours at five.
Woke up in the morning at seven and the whole class went to eat macs breakfast tgt
Hahahaha we’re so fun. (:

"if only you were there with me baby.
if only you knew how much im missing you."

afternoon with lala and junyan and albert at pool
VEH FUN RIGHT! I so pro I tell you! Haha im just kidding
im playing again tmr! whee! I love pool!

remember please. we're friends. like we've always been.
theres no reason or room for exception. NO.
i think its all wrong. shouldn have been there

i'll sing the right song, and say the perfect words to make you melt, to make you come back

i will, when i have the strength to go on with this again.

she broke my heart so i broke his jaw

2007-10-11T20:39:00.000-07:00

"im not missing you, im not going through the motion, waiting & hoping you'd call me"

PROMOS ARE OVER (:

no more school till who cares when! (:

hey, if i see you again, and again
maybe i will. (:
with the face of an angel, girl
you deserve to be treated more than right.

liar liar, burn in hell

stupid hy went for you know and made TP wait for me for two hours
im sorry shan, this is public apology! ):
and sorry scratchy for not returning call, cos i had things to settle ):
tp can testify!

boy, im sorry if i was a little harsh,
but this's the way things are.
its life, take it as it comes.
im sorry. its about all i can do to help.

WHEN I SAID 'YES', I MEANT FOREVER MORE

cos i know where you've been, and i know what you've done with him. i hope its worth what we lost. take your time with your goodbyes, cos this will be the last time i stand by with eyes closed tight. -loverhater

hahahah hannahh! i think i see my photos there on your blog! love me right! (:

sometime next week reserved for 125
another time next week reserved for huiyun nash mary jihui
another time next week reserved for kel and chicken and all
another time next week reserved for sarah and tiong
another time next week reserved for scratchy and TP

all these time i would reserve for you if you had wanted it too.

sarahbaby! evidence you say i cute, locked, stored in my phone! (:
HAHA NOW I WIN (:

anytime you wna go, i'll go with you.

i suddenly rmbr scratchy being a nehneh and i was rolling down the slope at bishan lib. and i swear we werent drunk and scratchy push me somemore and tp you just laugh ): hahahahahaah we should have filmed it (:

i think im gna love next week best ;)

this party's going south, let me know
whats going on with us

<3

2007-10-08T06:53:00.000-07:00

when im with you
i'll make every second count
cos i miss you
whenever youre not around.

come back,

im not done giving you all that i have

and if i fall

through these nights

i cant seem to go on

just a sign that youre with me

gives me the strength

to hold on

you tell a tale

2007-10-08T06:27:00.000-07:00

I have to move on, & be who I am
What if I fell to the floor; couldn take it anymore. What would you do?

If I told you it was killing me, would you stop?

Afternoons almost everyday with joy and shan are wheeeee-ness! (:

Econs paper was buhoo!
Hahaha whats GDP? (ask me, I gave a stupid ans.)

Tmr I have no paper! Wed and Thursday ):

<3cratchy!>
Cant wait for the at-nights (:
Haven decided which one we going,
But who cares!
Lets go anywhere
Just take me anywhere
Please

Rid this soul of its pain; take me away

its tiring im tired really tired

i dont care who you are, where youre from
what you did, as long as you love me.

hey you, long time no see, howve you been,
yeah im alright. hah you know too?
yeah sure i miss her.
faithful? well thankyou. hah like it matters
huh what? no she doesn
yeah, im alright thankyou
new one? ha no.
mmm but yeah sure, hold up.
erm yeah i gotta go, bye.

run run run i'll see how far you'll get char,
we'll play a chase game

i'll tell myself that i dont miss you at all.
NOT LYING; DENYING& I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW
THAT YOURE GONE FOREVER

and yayaya all my fault can nothing is your fault, im always wrong ya eh thanks man like i dont have enough blame on me already thanks uh! not your fault, so dont ever say youre sorry. cos if you say its not your fault, you dont see why youre wrong, so you wont mean your sorry. ya so SORRY FOR MAKING YOU FEEL SO TERRIBLE while i had my gloriuous time flirting around and BREAKING THAT LITTLE PRECIOUS HEART OF YOURS ya sorry. not like mine wasn broken UH FUCK LIKE YOU CARE my fault sorry can

i like being angey (:

promos

2007-10-05T06:19:00.000-07:00

youre not alone,
there is more to this i know
you cant make it out
you will live to tell

whole week was major whee-ness going with shan! (:

met jae and weiwei today! and eliza the other! and kel and nat and meiling!

SCRATCHY AND TP! for being there, wet or dry.

schools nothing about it, and i've been studying.
much, a lot, well yeah.
im done with econs and half of maths and history.

and weeks been almost perfect
counting out the stress (:

BESTEST <88
please dont be a stupid fuck. ASK ME before you do anything okay. ):<
dont screw yourself and her up, for nothing. ):
people you love, dont come by easy. trust me.

<3cratchy and TP
im sorry, i just dont fell like talking now.
but i'll be alright. thankyou.
lollipops!

MLFL<3,
and this week with you was it that made it almost perfect,
i might not ever dare to say this in front of people as much anymore
but i love you baby. i fucking do. but i guess theres nothing i can do about it anymore. maybe its the best thing, for me to happen to see those text, didnt exactly made my day, but yeah. just had the feeling before. and i proved myself right. with my own eyes. you might never get the pain, i dont blame you. if i never loved you, i wouldn have been so upset seeing you so broken and came back everytime. our breakups never lasted one day you realise. i love you, i really do. they dont think its my fault, but maybe it is. well im sorry. but this heartbreak i thought i got over is back. i'll live with it, and it'll go away. yeah ha i guess we'll stay this way. i've always wanted you back more than anything. but if you still need him, i dont see the point of me, anymore. you like being loved, go ahead. maybe one day, when you see her texts, you'll get it.
i love you, i fucking hell do.

yours stolen, your LFL <3,>

&shes the rythmn in my mind, the beat of my heart
i need her like how the sun needs to shine
i love her like the blood in my veins

you are my love for life, and i'll never forget you
stay with me, dont ever leave now

heels over head

2007-09-29T23:54:00.000-07:00

i dont wanna touch anybody else
but kissing you is a drug bad for my health
and its over, over, so over its killing me

g e n t l y s l i e n t l y i m d y i n g i n s i d e

im alright. im gonna make it.
even if i gotta fake it
im alright im gonna make it.
even if i gotta break it.

muse's "Cant take my eyes off you" is cute (:

bestest birthday yesterday was rushrushblast! (:
hahaha stupid tan and me just scrambling to find the lighter to light the sparklers la
and the balloons were just everywhere hahahaha
and her dad got annoyed with us (:
HAHAHA

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTIE! YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU BEST! (: <88 forlife

and bestie im sorry i broke rule one two three four and five ): i couldn help it ):

and i changed number, ask me! (:

haha lala i really didnt recognise him!
yy, i think he ought to get you smtg instead
quit the toll on your heart yes yes!
and sarah! haven seen you in long! you owe me a lot of kissy(ies)!
sorry luh, i know im stupid. ):

went to school in the morning with lynard.
lunched with murali daryn and lynard\
and they say those who do not listen to others about their lovelife, are good.
whoa i think im best luh hor, i never listen to anyth you guys say.

bought johnny for euge again (:
then then went to school put bag,
then went to meet her to pass her johnny
then boy was so nice to pass me my bag at longjohns
yeah, then play play with baby (;
and i never do work. but haha who cares! when im with her! (:

"i love you, i do."

"SHES THE BLADE, AND YOURE JUST PAPER."

im at her mercy
im at her feet
for just one more chance
please, this i beeseech

her love is my sweetest sin, do you all understand?

poopoo

2007-09-27T08:52:00.000-07:00

hahaha i grabbed it from hannahh's.

im effing bored la fuck ):

we've got nothing left to prove

2007-09-27T06:45:00.000-07:00

"i think i was born for you to love me."

oh my effing hell
i am about to die of major stress bloc

Promos are next week and I fucking have SO much left to do
i need to complete all my tutorials and all the exercise
so that I can be half as prepared as anyone else
and that’s only for my maths

History, I swear is gone-case
Econs, I double swear is double gone-case
Literature, I think I might be able to pass that.
GP, I need to read one whole THICK book
Kill me somebody, anybody.

Lets see, yesterday I ponned school
Went back to stnicks to study, BUT I hardly got anything done.
Met up with kel, who went to study ):
And becks donk! yeah me her Nicole and ee shan went to playground
And we were like toppling all over each other
And we played dare or double dare, so we naturally kissed everybody!
(Nicole secretly wanted to French sarah the cat HAHAHA)
and I saw euge (: wheeheehee

“_________________ ’’
this is what describes you.
No word can describe you baby. (:

So this morning, I sent my darling sister to her class
And I quickly secretly went to find euge’s class
And then I met her and wished her goodluck all (:
And then I ran back to the car!
Wheeheehee!

yeah then haha I obviously was late for school
but who cares! surprises to make someone special's day (:

yeah major cramming teaching with mr goh
my brains hurt like ):

And Nicole play play with hannahh until fall down
Then fat fat hannahh sat on nicole’s shin
And she was injured!

Hahaha oh god, haha I think you can see photos on hannah’s livejournal!

and no baby, i never stayed at her house.
and i dont meet up with her so often anymore
please dont anyhow think.

and believe me when i say i love you
maybe im living a lie on my own
but i know youre my only truth.

"dont take too long to say i-love-you to
the ones you love,
cos time has a habit, of slipping away."

a lonely september

2007-09-24T10:47:00.000-07:00

im sitting here all by myself

just trying to think of something to do

trying to think of something, anything

just to keep me from thinking of you

but you know its not working out cause youre all thats on my mind

one thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind

oh, i didnt mean for this to go as far as it did

and i didnt mean to get so close and share what we did

and i didnt mean to fall in love, but i did

and you didnt mean to love me back

but i know you did

im sitting here trying to convince myself

that youre not the one for me

but the more i think, the less i believe it

and the more i want you here with me

you know the holidays are coming up

i dont want to spend them alone

Memories of Christmas time with you

would just kill me if im on my own

oh, i didn't mean for this to go as far as it did

and i didn't mean to get so close and share what we did

and i didnt mean to fall in love, but i did

and you didnt mean to love me back

i know its not the smartest thing to do we just cant seem to get it right

but what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight

one more chance tonight

im sitting here trying to entertain myself with this old guitar

but with all my inspiration gone its not getting me very far

i look around my room and everything i see reminds me of you

oh please, baby won't you take my hand

we've got nothing left to prove

oh, i didnt mean for this to go as far as it did

and i didnt mean to get so close and share what we did

and i didnt mean to fall in love, but i did

and you didnt mean to love me back, but i know you did

and i didnt mean to meet you then

when we were just kids

and i didnt mean to give you chills the way that i kiss

and i didnt mean to fall in love, but I did

and you didnt mean to love me back but i know you did

dont say you didnt love me back cause you know you did

no, you didnt mean to love me back but you did

one am

2007-09-24T10:26:00.001-07:00

'' with a ciggarette in one hand, and the phone in the other
half waiting for her text to come in''

its a nice feeling standing at the grills
watching smoke coming outta my hands
overlooking the carpark
feeling the darkness and stillness of the night
half wishing for her reply
seeing the light, after the puff
watching two people finding their way
the causeway, searching for the light thats mine
eyes intent at the steady trail of smoke
thinking of her, thinking of things we'd do
oh, those days
inhaling and inhaling, trying to find that same high
to get my mind on someth else i'd try and try
does she still, ah forget it

my second time staying over and all for the wrong reasons

i have to type really softly so jihui wouldn wake up

what do i want? what am i waiting for?
give her to him, you love her so move on
get over the crying the drying the dying

hey, im trying im trying

whoooo!

2007-09-24T07:53:00.000-07:00

im not going home today
cos of daddy. fuck.

yeah so im here :)

and huiyun's a bitch.
me jihui staying over.
haha like camp like that :)

BESTEST! <88>:(
i need to talk to you, now and here. bestie where are you.

yeah, i got a lot of things on my hands.
a lot of shit at my feet.
ahhahaahhhaaaahh okay im a bit nuts :)

I HAVE NO MORE THANKS TO THOSE FOOLS. >:( pfft.

i love you too.
but no more please. i dont wna go through all that torture again.
after exams, get with him. and you'll be happy.
or thats what i think. you said so baby. you said so.

OKAY I GO STUDY. MISS JIHUI IS ABOUT TO SCOLD ME.

LATER! (:

''i am finding out that maybe i was wrong
that i've fallen down and i cant do this alone
stay with me, this is what i need, please?
sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
we could sing our own but what would it be without you?
i am nothing now and it's been so long
since i've heard A sound, the sound of my only Hope
this time i will be Listening.
this heart, it beats. beats for only you.''

thanks for these memories

2007-09-21T21:52:00.001-07:00

yeah hey baby

i miss you too
i love you too
but like you said, its time to let go, its time to forget.

he'll take my place, he loves you
so let him love you
cos it cant be me anymore

go baby, and you know i love you
and i miss you like crazy
and i want you here beside me

its stupid tryna look out for you everywhere i go
whoever im with

wherever i am

and i love you.
i miss our memories
baby, remember those,
cos its all we have left.

honey. you and i, we have to go.

"youre my living essence.
but now youre gone, same like how dying is a waste of life,
my living is a waste of death "

fall and crawl

2007-09-21T04:02:00.000-07:00

'gotta mean it when you say what you want'

im at huiyun's house cos that lazy thing took half day leave to go home sleep
she is stupid and lazy
and nash and mary are here too :)

'my grandson' stuck his hands into his pants to check how many dicks he's got HAHAHA

oh i met leanneteo that bitch (: last night. yeah.
i called her a bitch and so she HAD to call me a biutch (bee-utch)

hahaha and i just remembered fun facts :)
daryn has an inner passion for sheep and horses
(he secretly wants to hav sex with them)

HAHAHAHA

im feeling so much happier today.

and hey, remember about trust.
im just friends with her yeah, so please my dear dont get the wrong idea.
it hurts to see you so sad and i dont want to yeah. cheerup please, :)

WELLO WORLD IM GNA DECIDE I SHOULD GO EAT DINNER THAT HUIYUN COOKED
can you believe she can cook.
mary: we're all gna die.

HAHAHA WHO CARES, ALL THE BETTER RIGHT! (:

okay huiyun's eggs that she cooked tasted like horrible horrible. plack!

''if you feel the same way, then how can we be friends?
when i, i would promise to love you now,but i would lovingly let you down...''

who are you

2007-09-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

"now its your turn, take a shot
baby, show me everything that you got
maybe you can keep me alive
maybe you can get in my mind
but its only a matter of time"

today hmm not much hardly got down to any work

rushed through lit, gotta copy another act again. :(

lets see, major crapping with xiaotian
play play play
couldn concentrate doing maths

fucking tired. i'll just study tmr. (and thats what i say everyday)

hmm, things to look forward to:
1) maybe, just maybe, meeting jie and baby shanna
2) going to j8 and runnung into cassiebaby, so i can actually laugh
3) going back st nicks with nicole, to study maybe?
4) meeting bestie, for a heart to heart talk (:

yeah, life sucks.
its tiring tryna get unstuck, to get out of the stuck.
haha okay i think i dont make sense.

"i've got your hair on my pillow
and your smell in my sheets
and it makes me think about you
with the sand in your feet
is it all you thought it'd be?
you mean everything to me"

"im learning to fall
i cant hardly breathe
so when i'm going down dont worry 'bout me
dont try this at home
pretend you don't see
i dont want to know that you know, it should have been me"

this that us

2007-09-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

hey life,

i'd like to plead with you on a certain thing.
okay i know this sounds absurd but i need it.

please stop getting me into the middle of EVERY FUCKING situation
cos its not fun being middleman.
nothing goes right.
i just wna be there, alive.
not too much to ask for is there.

i just wna have fun
and get myself outta this misery
out of this heartache
out of this skin
just being anyone, but me. do you get it?

theres something wrong with daddy
he's being weirdly weird.

theres something wrong with my friends
and i dont like seeing people upset.
it can be me, but not anyone else

and oh god, stop the rumours please
they are not true, fucking not true.
i never did such a thing, not with her.
stupid people.

last thing, please please
let her know i love her
more than anyth else
and i want her,
but she doesn want me.

well, thats all. hey life, do you hear me?

today was alright
chinese lessons were like hanging lanterns HAHA
photo-taking was whoa HOT (literally stuffy, wearing suits okay!)
yeah, then project work. did NOTHING
unless you count playing arnd on friendster
and talking with xiaotian about the DUMBEST THINGS POSSIBLE.
haha yeah, then down to woodlands lib to meet huiyun then home.

maryboy calls me
HAPPY LITTLE TROOPER :)

nash is COLONEL SANDERS :)
and princess sophie is still PRINCESS SOPHIE :)

nashboy says i can hide emotions really well, even though everybody thinks im really alright cos im high and jumpy and crazy, he knows im upset. yeah.

BOY! you love your little bung! (:
LALA! you dont angry luh!
NICOLE! our little plan, hair styling tmr yeah! (:

"and theres a drug in the thermostat to warm the room up
and theres another around to help us bend your trust
got a sunset in my veins
and i need to take a pill to make this town feel okay"

i love you baby. you know i do.
and maybe you need to hear me say it to believe it
just like how i need you to.

SEW MY NAME

2007-09-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

"nobody knows how much youre of a queen and why i love you baby."

i never get chased out of house. daddy came to fetch us all home in the end
and fool jihui doesn know where she live. THAT FOOL.

haha yeah then got home, read a bit of maths went to sleep.
farking tired ):

test this morning was hahaha i dont know how to do!

jihui la! play with me last night still dance in front of me cos she was desperately trying to cry. pfft.

lets see, nash, mary, huiyun, lynard, nicole
haha i think i kissed everybody alr except mary and lynard!
haha got kissy from sarah! (:
THIS IS SO CORNY BOY! (:

today during pe, okay lets not talk about it
but yeah thank you lala for being there (: and debbie (: thank you kerine for tissue (: and yuenyee and meini and nana for saying the usual dumb things (: yuenyee! you unfaithful i divorce you uh! (:

im alright im alright. thankyou all.

i love you bestie! (: go see bestest's blog! (:

your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
do you know you're unlike any other?
you'll always be my thunder, and i said
your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
i dont wanna ever love another
you'll always be my thunder
so bring on the rain
and bring on the thunder

hey bitch, i love you.
do you know, do you even care
how im surviving how im dying
you dont care, so yeah.

come, lets go.

"and i said, kissed her kissed her"

yayayayayayayayayayay
((:
xuelin and feng has invaded char's comp
hahahahahahahah
okay this is retarded. (x
we love you :D

stop getting up for a let down

2007-09-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

hellowello (:

im at huiyun's house at eleven fifteen in the fucking night.
daddy doesn wna fetch me. so if i get chased out, haha i either go back her house, or go jihui's house! (:

school was boring.
ytd nash and lynard went my house and we bought baby's clothes for nash (:
but it was fun (:

today today,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NASHBOY! (:

funny, just a bit emo with huiyun just now at the block.
yeah.

anyhow yeah back at huiyun's and LYNARD AND MARY whipped up a meal at her house for nash!
and we had prawns drunked in CHIVAS oh dang, hot stuffs! (:
THEY CAN HAVE A COOKING SHOW FOR THEMSELVES LUH.

studying in the room with jihui was UNPRODUCTIVE! (:
HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA secret secret* (:

okay if i get chased out, you'll see another post (:

LATER!

''youre my inhale, exhale''

140907

2007-09-15T05:56:00.000-07:00

"im back in the class falling out of your past
all the letters that I wrote and you thought as a joke
and the phone never rings when youre cold and it stings
all the holidays suck by myself cause I am fucked
and I'm dying, dying, dying"

Fridays are major breaks day!
had literature and maths tutorial
then gp, no teacher (:
did homework

fetched bestie into school COS THAT FOOL'S SENSE OF DIRECTION SUCKS!

then we went to the block for the usual (:
finally proper ones (;

played pepsi-cola 123 you know that kids game
fool of nicole won hahahahahah jihui just scream everytime she jump

haha oh, and bestie approve of her (:
she say she's nicer, but heh you'll see when you know her better.
i still love her you know. thankyou i know i suck.

with nash nicole huiyun me and bestie cabbed to huiyun's house
cab ride was corny we were all just talking lesbian things
and huiyun still keep trying to create spark with me
GIVE UP! (:

at her house, play play talk to bestie (:
i love you bestie (:
wipe those tears away,
i'll pave a smoother path for you right the other way.

sooooo, we went j8
i pierced my ears huiyun pierced her nose
hahahaha

then out for a toot,
met na yuai abby and I NOT BAD INFLUENCE OKAY!
then met cassiebaby! (: (after exams yeah!)

eat eat and off to liquid kitchen
bought my first pack (:
THE MOST irritating thing today was
huiyun, doing LEGAL everyth illegal in the PAST. ):
UNFAIR and im still 16. ): fark.
hardly got drunk pfft.

hey bestest,
i hope youre feeling better. and im sorry i couldn tell you what to do cos i dont. and i dont want you to end up like me, regretting it. so as far sa you can hold on, do it. but when its too painful and you cant, you'll know whats best for yourself yeah. i love you bestie, and i dont want too see you so hurt and upset. remember what i said, youve got to believe in yourself, cos you have me believing in you. tell her what she means to you, and how you never want to let her go. and you miss her and you want her all to yourself. cos love is selfish if youre selfish, guess its love. you can do this bestest, <88

"well im back for some more round two was a bore
and youre driftin away cause you want it that way
and im picking up pieces of hearts that completely
are broken in two so it must have been you
while youre lying in bed with somebody new"

your guardian angel

2007-09-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

cos youre my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart
Please dont throw that away
cos im here for you
Please dont walk away and, Please tell me you'll stay

for all the things you had to steal and borrow.
Bring back the days we had before tomorrow

into the day this life is going to change seems like its taking me forever.
and i cant hold on. this life is breaking.

her eyes are watering
(she) said we're better off this way
things change
it's happening everyday
he'll come and take my place and show you things that i just couldn face
we'll sit and sing a song of what we did wrong.

come bring back yesterday and live it again
come sit here with me, see the stars with me
come tell me the worst is over, everyth will get better
bend my will again then mend it straight

maybe im just insane

wear me down - son of dork

2007-09-13T08:15:00.000-07:00

i got a new suspicion

when i woke up today

feels like theres something missing

cant go on living this way

you turn on like a television

shut off like the radio

sucks that you never listen

til its time to go

wont hang around

im out of town

no one you know

could stop me now

im faster than the speed of sound

its over

cos all you do is wear me down

you speak only fiction

all day you criticize

i can't be around your bitching

i've got no room in my life

your friend's feeding you ammunition

why dont you realise

you're so different when you're with them

all their words are lies

wont hang around

im out of town

no one you know

could stop me now

im faster than the speed of sound

its over

cos all you do is wear me down

i like this song (: makes sense (:

this is a turn off! its so long! you dont wna read it (maybe reverse psychology works!)

i dont wna talk to you so dont talk to me you say i hurt you then what about what youre doing to me you say its fair i think not you said you love me but i think you forgot think about what you said and how you hit right there at that spot so alright this holding and waiting and screwing shit is taking too long too long for me i dont know but you like him so if you can love someone else i think theres no place for me anywhere so its okay i just want you to be happy like they say if you love me you'll be right here beside me but i think not cos i dont even feel you here anymore so enjoy your days you spend with him do lovingly looking into each other's eyes as you wait for the bus to come for him to send you up the stairs i used to walk you up the kiss i bet he'd give you planted right on the cheek its okay it doesn hurt me well baby if you can do this i think like they think youre not worth it you dont have me in there like you say you do you can go so just go cos you dont love me no you dont and maybe i shouldn too

gna tell me otherwise, prove me otherwise.

kiss and tell

2007-09-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

oh boy oh boy!

TODAY WAS HELL LOT OF FUN!!!

haven enjoyed myself in a long time like this.

lit lessons were corny maths, haha i listened (:
history, i think i listened, or brought my tutorials for that matter (:

Then GAYA'S CAKE!

hahaha my face got cake on it
and so we started the food thing so everybody's face got chocolate of somesort!
hahaha i got cake on my nose my shirt my forehead my cheeks
and foolhell i almost got thrown into the fish pond,
AND ITS NOT EVEN MY BIRTHDAY!

i dare not DARE NOT think whats gna happen on mine
im quite light you know! ):

Yeah then after school study study
then boys (you know boys) got to talking bout some people masturbating or smtg
and laughing and laughing and laughing
then nash piggyback me and RAN (i hate it when they do that cos i have that fear they'll just drop me half way)
ya la so they ran, and lynard piggyback daryn, and we were like on bouncer cars bouncing here and there! HAHAHAHA

daryn: i wna screw the pond
char: HUH WHY!
daryn: cos its big and wet!

hahahah whalao! damn sick can!

after that, the boys got into the girls toilet and we took a photo
then the girls got into the boys toilet and we took a photo
hahahahaha so funny i tell you

then on our way back home, we just scream like we dont give two fucks luh
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! try beating the high pitch one from daryn!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! TRY BEATING MINE! (:

haha we screaming damn happy
we: AHHHHHHHH!
someone from in the block: OI!
char: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

hahaha then me and nash ran and ran and ran!

oh god so funny luh im so tired today!

nash is an awfully bad shopper.

anyone, just anyone

2007-09-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

today im sick of trying

to live like i can live on my own

this world around me is suffocating

so find me

wherever i am wont You

find me

i got myself lost and i

dont think

i want to be roaming in heartache

please find me tonight

love of mine

2007-09-11T07:40:00.000-07:00

remember all these?

where are you baby?

whore

2007-09-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

fuck you. fuck off.

fucking tired today.
slept three hours last night tryna finish my literature
fuck

well i listened during maths and econs lecture today

and am in a terrible mood
like i can slap any face right about now.

think about how youre upset,
what are you doing to me first.

stayed back with huiyun and jihui and nash today
not veh productive leh
so ima study later
fuck life

debbie dear, dont worry
one day soon, you'll be so numb you wouldn know what youre feeling
viod of all emotions and then, nothing can hurt you
just like me (:
cheer up alright.

fallen love

2007-09-10T07:54:00.001-07:00

i will never let you fall
i'll stand up with you forever
i'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven

breathe the air; fill me in

2007-09-10T07:32:00.000-07:00

they say," whatre you waiting for, kiss her kiss her."

today is monday.
couldn wake up in the morning.

lessons were okay
i really need to start studying for promos
I DONT WNA RETAIN
(not a bad thing eh bestie! -winkwink)

ehhemm
yeah me and shian got haha scolded for talking during econs
(she telling me interesting story see)
yeah ponned CT
went to buy bubbletea :)

then
i sat down
and did an amazing thing
i did a timetable
can you believe it.
yeah so i got down to studying almost immediately :)
like wow!

nashboy was there with us!
so here's snippets of stupid conversations:
nash: huiyun why you so scared of cats?
(ya huiyun's scared of cats)
huiyun: uh! i dont know.
nash: hmmm, HAH i know!
i think you were a mouse in your past life!

corny bastard!

The ribbon on my wrist says, "Do not open before Christmas."

drink down that gin and kerosene
and come spit on bridges with me
just to keep us warm
light a match to leave me be

the only thing worse than not knowing
is you thinking that i dont know
im having another episode
i just need a stronger dose

i swear i'd burn the city down to show you the lights
are you gna be here tonight

happy birthday

2007-09-09T06:59:00.001-07:00

she aint heavy, shes my sister.

its my sister's birthday

she's eight, older and more annoying.

we cute!

2007-09-08T06:39:00.000-07:00

don't say you love me cos i don't wna hear it even though i love to hear it i want to hear you whisper it right in my ear telling me you love me you want me you need me i don't wna read it in the text i wna feel you say it i don't know how im gna do this i can't help but fall everytime i see you so eager to get me to go its painful you know but i doubt you give a damn i'll go i'll see how long i'll last watch me

//

"maybe she's just tired. she needs to live her own life too, char. and you too

you gotta let go of some things when the time comes. you don't expect yourself to hang on forever till you're old and gray waiting and praying she'll be there with you. i know its awfully hard but there's no point watching waiting wanting praying when you know deep down she don't love you no more and doesn wna come back

we live, we die. that only happens once. you'll find somebody when you move on proper, when your heart begins to heal"

a little too late

2007-09-07T23:47:00.000-07:00

lets drown it all in smoke and drinks
and pray we forget our subtle beings

first, i have HAVE TO talk about ytd,
i cant really remember what happened
but WHOA, FUN LIKE !@#$$%^#$&*%##@#$%@$%^%$*()(*)*@#$@##$^%^&!

WE GOT so so wasted :) we were crazy kissing everybody i swear!

we ate pizzzzzzaaaaa, huiyun mummy paid hahaha then we blow cake :)

then i acted sober all in the car and so did nash and lynard.
hahaha went home,
jihui called me
so i talked.

jihui: hello?
char: heeeellllllooooo :)
jihui: oh my god, aiyo are you drunk?
char: hahahahaha noooooooooo!
jihui: you so are la!
char: hahahahaha noooooooooo!

woke up like 430 then 1130
supposed to study with nashboy, but im lazy.

haha next friday same thing.
i love fridays! lets get wasted!

if i said smtg wrong, sorry.

i miss you.

but no wait, if you can leave me like this
and can see me like this
and can live without me
and its all wishful thinking on my part
then i think i can live without you too.
or i'll try at least. or something.
lets be heartless together, sounds like fun :)

dang, whats wrong with me.

"im sorry baby, no i dont believe we can happen again, im just thankful i had you once sweetheart. and this, my last, i love you char, i love you spikey. goodnight precious, sleep tight. you'll be in my prayers, i love you."

"i dont know but i love you i really do i really swear its crazy."

" i love you so so much dont hate me okay baby. i love you. my hearts all yours dont forget dont hate me goodbye baby i love you"

"i want nothing more then to sit outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing"

you say you love me. what are you doing to me.

tonight i've fallen

2007-09-07T03:11:00.000-07:00

here we are at the crossroads once again
you're telling me you're so confused
you can't make up your mind
is this meant to be
you're asking me

in your arms as the dawn is breaking
face to face and a thousand miles apart
i've tried my best to make you see
there's hope beyond the pain
if we give enough, if we learn to trust

i know if I could find the words
to touch you deep inside
you'd give my dream just one more chance
don't let this be our last goodbye

i need you now
and tomorrow is too late
in you I've found
a million reasons i can't wait

i hope you feel better being alone
just wna let you know i love you honey

i still feel your lips on my cheek,
and your breathing right at my lips.
whats holding you back,
whats keeping this pain.

where are you baby,
i love you tonight and everynight.

<3

believe me.

2007-09-06T07:31:00.000-07:00

will you want a life time,
with only memories
of your loved one?

no, you bastard.

i believed i was born
for you to love me
and me to love you.
but my lifetime is not over, is it?

today was studying at causeway
with huiyun and jihui and brenda

me and huiyun smartly forgot to bring our maths book hahahaha
and giving her lessons on hahahaha she knows what.

yeah came back, go chickens house.
she change from 630 until 800 LUH
poorthing la her boyfriend

and then i rmb previous christmas, same thing happened :)

yeah downstairs for a little smtg, then off home home! :)

where are you tonight?
its a long talk today, i think.
its the same. how long can i hold out for?
hmm baby?

im in love with you.
look into my eyes, you'll know how much i want this.
this, with you.

its okay

2007-09-05T00:27:00.000-07:00

IF ANYONE COULD MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON YOU COULD

im at huiyun's house.
and she told me something funny! (:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

just now, daryn and lynard were like plucking their leg hairs off
WHALAO DAMN GROSS CAN!

i like ginger beer!

we are fucking broke we are like looking at some coupons
and then we realised its expired.

im sorry i cant be all you want me to be
cos if i could, i would be.
im sorry its taken its toll on you
cos i never wanted it too
im sorry we cant be together
just like how you and i want it to be
im sorry for all the pain
i never meant to hurt you

and i love you, with all my heart all my soul
i know you love me too baby. i know.

2007-09-04T20:43:00.000-07:00

Weekends was wild.
Saturday dxo play play play play
Sunday woke up, lynard still asleep
Watch movie, play xbox with his brother I lost like mad la. Pfft!

Went to j8 macs, met cassie and andreasmtg talk talk talk talk
Then sat down ate, then study study
Wait for jihui, study study study
Wait for huiyun and nash, study study study

Then went home like eleven plus. And poof, slept.

Monday
Sleep sleep sleep
Wake up eat lunch
Study a while
Sleep sleep sleep
Wake up eat dinner
Study study study
Cry cry cry cry
Until two plus, sleep cry sleep cry sleep
Fuck Monday

Tuesday
Wake up
Lit lesson, hahaha end up talking with Nicole outside
Then meet jihui :)
She study study
I play play play with Nicole
Then went to bk
Study study study
Jihui them went to starbucks

Nash and huiyun were complete idiots
Nash was tryna find his spiderman face on his boxers
And huiyun was tryna see the colour of her bra
Wth right.

School later again with the same people.

Son, fear is the heart of love.

2007-09-04T20:41:00.000-07:00

Well you caught me off guard.
Im running and screaming, but to nowhere.

Is it all fake?
Why, I’ve always been true
Is your pride coming your way?
Why, there wasn any in me when it came to you
Is being angry with me just an excuse to see him?
Why, where am I in that heart of yours?

Are you waiting for my text baby?
Cos im sitting right here, waiting for yours too.

Are you missing me?
Cos im missing you.

Are you cold tonight?
Cos I wna put my arms around you to keep you warm.

Or maybe you have someone else to do that for you.

Maybe all the good for me things are just excuses,
Maybe it’s the time when you don’t love me anymore
Maybe it’s the time I stop relying on love, cos its failed me.

Well thanks for baring my soul and killing every cell left,
Cos its so bare and numbed, I don’t feel any pain.
Not like three months ago.
Im stronger I believe
What doesn kill you, it makes you stronger.

Your love is my sweetest sin, it’s the air I breathe.
And maybe I still rely on it.
your ‘i-love-you’s to me are enough to keep me going.
Stop char stop

i miss you you know

Memories are sickening, they bring back pain
They suck every breath every gasp I try to take in
and every visible essence of life in me

live with it char.

Baby dear honey sweetheart precious darling sweetie spikey
Its yesterday, come now lift that heavy eyelids
we need to see where we’re going.

Patience kills your soul, drags the pain, and doesn give you anything in return.
Not even the bitch youre fucking in love with. Fuck patience.

and i'll promise i'll try. you?

2007-09-01T20:01:00.000-07:00

and i love you
do you know

"i'm sorry baby" -is that all you can say?

theres only so much i can say, the rest is up to you.
you have to want this to work
before anyth can work.

what about this love we need so badly
what about this "us" we still have
what about this that you promised me you'll try, before?
what am i gna do now
is it really me that you need?
then where are you, what are you doing, why wont you try, why wont you try

maybe you want him back, well if its so
tell me when it happens.

everybody tells me to tell you to make up your goddamn mind.
dont blow hot and cold, not fun, no no not fun at all.

do you get it?
do you get me?

my baby,
its such a home feeling when i call you that,
like no other could be called
its a you and me thing (or at least thats what i thought)
it feels like we're safe
and we can hold out forever
"my baby"
do you hear the comfort, hear the warmth?
"my baby"
and maybe i should stop calling you that.

we'll see how long you can hold out again this time,
when you cant, give a text.
and i'll rush to your side,
to ease that pain of your heart
cos i've felt it so many times before and so i know.

i love you, euge.

does it matter to you

2007-09-01T19:14:00.000-07:00

do you know what it feels like,
loving someone who's in a rush to throw you away

do you know what it feels like,
to be the last one to know the lock on the door is changed

like do you give a fuck.
doubt you'd think i would not go home did you.
then now you know,
cos this's not the way to treat your child
not this way.
not that i know any child that would like to be treated this way.

anyway, its ten in the morning,
slept late late late last night.
whoa, friday saturday sunday all see jihui (:
hahaha later again.

meeting jie later to get some clean clothes
and my hair is messy )":

i was just worried but hah who cares right
wheres my baby tonight,
is she thinking of me like i am thinking of her
is she missing me like im missing her
am i constantly on her mind, like she is on mine
or am i just a dumb fuck, with wishful thinkings on my part.

killing me softly

2007-09-01T03:01:00.001-07:00

its a love i cant give up.
its a love i need to live.
its a love i cant deny.

where are you today when i need you so badly.

im tired im tired

"i need you in my life
cos i breathe you to survive
baby youre my everything my all
and i'll love you forevermore"

whats holding you back from the love you need so badly
whats keeping you there on the other side
why dont you come back and lay your tired head on my shoulder
why dont you take a step forward, i'll grab you so tight and pull over

im loving you completely,
this is so unbelievable
and i dont wna let it go

i hate life

2007-09-01T02:52:00.000-07:00

okay this's for friday (:

twas teachers day but stnicks had power failure ):
fuck hell, then went to meet kel and nat and meiling
for dim sum!
felt so yesterday, you know, like our old times
just that it was orangebowl instd.
i miss it man. dang.

yeah then ratatouile with BESTEST! <88
she was so funny i tell you
bestie: oh my god i feel so scared for him!
hahahah

yeah then met chicken and kel outside cine for a bubbletea
and kel threw my shoe away cos she threaten me to play cards with her
which we got scolded for by some person.
WE LOVE CHEAP THRILLS! (:

THEN they left for chicken to buy her phone
and me and bestie went to woodlands
to find her darling and i went to meet jihui
at woodlands lib.

daddy called, scolded what fuck not.
fuck you fuck off.

yeah today i got chased out of house, most probably not going back till who knows when.
staying at friends place. going out clubbing i think. yeah then tmr morning i go lib study

GEEK IN THE MAKING (:

ah whatever la. sick of life.

hero / heroine

2007-08-29T07:55:00.000-07:00

its too late baby, theres no turning around
i've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud
this is how i do
when i think about you
i never thought that you could break me apart
i keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart

cause you caught me off guard
now im running and screaming

i feel like a hero and you are my heroine

i wont try to philosophize
i'll just take a deep breath and i'll look in your eyes
this is how i feel
and its so so real

do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?
and I feel a weakness coming on
never felt so good to be so wrong
had my heart on lockdown
and then you turned me all around

im feeling like a newborn child
every time i get a chance to see you smile

baby let me see that besutiful smile on your face
come, let me wipe those tears away
isn fear taking you a little too faraway from me?
put them aside honey, and you can move a little closer

lets not let fate decide us,
let us, decide fate

we'll MAKE things work baby, put your heart in my hand
i'll lock it up, right in my own.
so only mine gets bruised and bashed,
and yours, safely hidden.

the black against white

2007-08-29T07:22:00.001-07:00

lessons today. gp test.
history lecture was crap, i slept
went to northpoint with them, came back
then chinese compo, i stayed back to do. such a nerd.
haha okay next time i'll trust your instincts! (:

today going home with daryn lynard and huisnain was hilarious
oh my god. i haven laughed so hard in a looooooonnnnnnnnnnnggggggg time!
oh my god, we should have recorded that OBSCENE conversation. HAHAHAHAHAHA

"im racking my brain for a new improved way
to let you know youre more to me than what i know how to say
if anyone could make me a better person, you could
you came along one day and you rearranged my life
i must have done something right"

you know you love me
you know you want me
you know you miss me
what the fuck is holding you back?

dont want her to be the one? then come back, and be the one.
cos you know deep inside, i want you to be the one too.

baby baby baby please please

the loud thundering cries

2007-08-28T07:36:00.000-07:00

<3

the calmed soul with her, with the strong unsettled waves she gives.

go la go la go la irritating ugh

i ate wantonmee for breakfast like nine plus (ponned pe you see)
yeah and eating dinner at like nine+, ten+
and everyday's like that. no food for twelve odd hours.
something bad's bound to happen to my little tummy. :(

but hahahaha what can get any worse right?
i think i might just start to go crazy. beware.

after school today with the boys were super corny! :)
getting drunk and high on whiskey i think!
i drank like one two mouthfuls and like i got lag high
lynard got photos i think!

went back, and me and jihui were i swear our craziest! :)))
we went to different toilets tryna find toilet paper
then we stole one roll out of the toilet
and i gave everyone like two pieces off the roll HAHAHA

debbie say i crazy. ):
its called losing responsibilities.
forgetting who i am, what i really want, for the moment (:

i was like two minutes, I SWEAR TWO MINS late for literature tutorial
and tansulin make me copy the whole of act five ):
LIKE EH I COPY ACT ONE LEH ):

sooooooooooooo irritating right >:(

yeah anyhow, with jihui till late and doing projectwork till nine plus too. FUCK PW!
your jacket smells like aircon! hahahaha
yeah then sent her off into her daddy's car :)

i still got seven pages to copy. fuck what am i doing here.

"dont take too long to say i love you to,
the ones you love,
cos time has a habit of slipping away

and i want you here tonight,
and i need you by my side,
for just one more moment, just one more moment."

the love of my life, where have you been?

knock knock

2007-08-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

honey, paint my love.
its a picture of a thousand sunsets.

hello world. are you gna take me in with wide and open arms?

i think i have a sore throat.

hannah drew horrible looking things on my hand :(
now i cannot rub off :(
and she squeezed my face :(

i talked to lowell today, finding out who his hot date is! like !@#$ dang!
fencing today was H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S :)
nash got jabbed in the nuts hahahaha
and he wore my skirt and BECAME GAY :)
but i never fence :( MY STUPID ANKLE LA.

ankle up for sale, any takers?

love love love

after, out. home with jihui.
funny with me eh :)
i hate almond. like PUKE man.

is it me, you dont see?
is it me?

hah you?

2007-08-26T08:34:00.001-07:00

so superficial
so immature

who's the best dressed
and who's having sex

who has the money
and who gets the harley

who's kinda cute
and who's just a mess

thats all that keeps me going

2007-08-26T07:46:00.001-07:00

"okay i've got no time i've really got to go bye i love you i miss you crazy and i cant wait to see you"

2007-08-26T02:41:00.000-07:00

my daddy coming to fetch me :(

but jihui is waiting for me at coffeebean :(

:( yuen yee bully me somemore :(

wo bu yao huo le :(

meini is the best

second to belbel
okay fuck i damn lame

all justina's fault.

you kill me :)

2007-08-25T23:45:00.000-07:00

baby, why cant we just start over again?

get it back to the way it was.

if you give me a chance, i can love you right.

but youre telling me it won't be enough.

so, baby, i will wait for you.

cause I don't know what else i can do.

dont tell me i ran out of time.

if it takes the rest of my life,

baby, i wait for you.

if you think im fine, it just aint true.

i really need you in my life,

no matter what I have to do, i'll wait for you.

its been a long time since you called me.

you gotta be feeling crazy.

how can you walk away?

everything stays the same,

i just cant do it, baby.

what will it take to make you come back?

girl, i told you what it is and it just aint like that.

why cant you look at me?

youre still in love with me.

dont leave me crying.

now im missing you and im wishing you would come back through my door

if you only knew the pain

the pain I keep inside

the pain that makes me "me"

then without it who am I

in a room with broken walls

i lay in scene and dreams

i want you to see

i'm cold and white

i'm holding on

i'll try to breathe for you

i'm crying outI'm singing loud

you could be all I need

and I'm losing my will

just to hold you in

i'm giving up the hope

that you could have been the one

to save me from me

and now our lips will meet and i'll taste their defeat

i'll give in this once

you promised me heaven, but you lived me through hell

lift your weak limbs

stiffen your trembling knees

straighten out the path you tread

I LOVE YOU TO DEATH

2007-08-25T23:33:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY

missed pe :) did gp compre :(
after school with jihui and lynard and huiyun :)
actually, i cant remember.

SATURDAY SSP

went to pick huiyun that bitch from her house
and we waited SUPER LONG for her.
she called us upstairs, and she was brushing her teeth outside the lift. HAHAHAHA
so funny.

BUBBLETEA AND YOUTIAO TASTES WERID. i dont even know why i tried it. :\
watched rush hour 3 and 40 yearold virgin on lynard's laptop. funny. :)
yeah then waited for jihui to come to school. :)

cheerup jihui :) the sun is brighter on the other horizon.

today IM AT YUEN YEE'S HOUSE DOING PROJECT. :) and belbel coming :)

okay later :)

random! (:

2007-08-24T00:24:00.000-07:00

hahahaha i have been having weird conservations with debbie since morning.
she's drained all my energy!

cheer up sarahhhh (: i love you dear! (: see you in mornings whenever i can alright! (: <3

i was looking at my emails then i received one that said
looking for a fuck partner

char: whalao, why they send me this kind of email?
debbie: hahaha i dont know
char: ya la whalao do i look like i wna fuck someone?
debbie: -
char: okay shut up, dont need to answer!

HAHAHAHAHAshe kept laughing after that (:

gppw is boring. im having it now.

sure you can, I MEAN WHY NOT RIGHT.

kiss me here; touch me there

2007-08-23T19:04:00.000-07:00

i love you
dont deny it, you love me too
i need you
dont deny it, you need me too
i miss you
dont deny it, you miss me too
i want you
dont deny it, you want me too.

and i know all these, cos you told me all.

step outside your walls back to me
maybe the sun will be warmer than it was.

everything will be better someday char.
be strong; believe.

thanks lynard, funny how you knew i was on the verge of crying on the train
but its scary looking into emptiness

theres hardly anything inside
or is there?
how come i dont feel it.

theres only so much i can say
theres only so much i can do
theres only this amount of patience
but theres boundless love for you.

people with nothing to lose are people you should be very afraid of
bacause they'll stretch way beyond their limits to try
for the one thing that will keep them alive.

remember how you held my hand so tight on the bus just that day.

its more than words

2007-08-23T18:57:00.000-07:00

saying i love you,

is not the words,

i want to hear from you,

its not that i want you, not to say

but if you only knew,

how easy, it would be to show me how you feel,

more than words,

is all you have to do, to make it real,

then you wouldn't have to say, that you love me,

cause I'd already know,

what would you do,

if my heart was torn in two,

more than words to show you feel,

that your love for me is real,

what would you say, if I took those words away,

then you couldn't make things new,

just by saying i love you,

it's more than words,

it's more than what you say,

it's the things you do

now that i've tried to,

talk to you and make you understand,

all you have to do, is close your eyes,

and just reach out your hands, and touch me,

hold me close dont ever let me go,

more than words, is all i ever needed you to show,

then you wouldnt have to say, that you love me,

cause I'd already know,

what would you do,

if my heart was torn in two,

more than words to show you feel,

that your love for me is real,

what would you say, if I took those words away,

then you couldnt make things new

just by saying I love you

the last unicorn

2007-08-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

this computer sucks like hell.
i can take one hour just to get to this bloody page. >:(
HUMPH :(

baby, maybe sometimes its more than words
more than what you say.

afternoons are with jihui :)
yala HUIYUN DO YOU SEE THIS! :)

i did a personality test ytd,
results: im tired and afraid.

and another,
results: i let someone in, but he/she walked out and disappeared and i lost tracks of her.
and now its empty.

dont break me up, by breaking down in tears.

bestie! your new phone dont like you la you suck! :)

you drive me crazy

2007-08-23T06:11:00.000-07:00

every day, i'll be the shadow that walks beside you.
every night, i'll be the light that shines through your heart, showing you the way.
every minute, i'll be loving you, uncountable love, like the number of steps i've walked to get to you.
every second i'll be missing you like the number of words i've poured and ever written to you.
every tear, i'll be crying for every day every night every minute every second that i need you.

it doesn matter if you don't reply even though i'm dying
i'll survive it as best as i can

<3

2007-08-22T05:17:00.000-07:00

i need the patience to convince her over and over
my life won't be complete without her,
that she's the missing piece.
and i need something to keep renewing this patience over and over again,
to keep trying and trying cos i know we'll regret this mistake.
and i think i have it.
its called love.

Demented screams, tortured beings

2007-08-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

devil and the deep blue sea behind me vanishes in the air you'll never find me.

theres nothing on the teevee,

nothing on the radio

that means that much to me

teevee - metaphor for the dramatic fucked up life

radio - metaphor for the undying noise and chatterings beside your ear

open wounds still breathing

monday

skipped training (ankle pain)

ponned the minister fuckthing

went to study with lynard and huiyun and jihui :)

me and lynard end up playing who wants to be a millionaire on huiyun's phone

huiyun went off with her you-know-who

we went for bubbletea-ing :)

"are you still the same
or did you change somehow
i cant fight it; i cant deny it
i still need you
i still care about you
i still feel you
like im right there beside you"

i want you around so i can pretend i dont love her. no, i want her around so i can live it real

lala said smtg really weird this morning!

lala: im emo im short and i cry a lot :(

oh and that rhymes

hahaha FOOL LA YOU (:

cheer up, you know whats best.

i just suppress it all, cos im too afraid to feel

baby, please get well :(

i love you

when they ask me how long im gna love you

if the road to my heart will always stay true

i say, "forever for you"

when they ask if ima stay right there beside you

and they dont see you and me the way that I do,

i'll say "forever, forever for you"

BE STRONG; BELIEVE

2007-08-20T15:50:00.000-07:00

my hair combed, nice shoes tied tight
i was ready to conquer life

walking in the present, but living in the past
how much longer will i embrace sorrow?

2007-08-20T15:44:00.000-07:00

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Sir, death of flesh and soul

2007-08-19T06:21:00.002-07:00

That same face I caressed
That same skin I kissed
The same tears I wiped away
I almost forgot how it felt
To be in your arms, your warmth
To feel you hugging me so tight
To feel you kiss me again
I almost forgot

Note to brain: please stop replaying that please. its agonising

I wasn sure what I was feeling
I wasn sure what to feel in the first place
What I wanted, alive before me
too afraid to want me,
Too scared to make things right.
So she’d rather watch it slip pass her,
And when im gone,
She’ll think, “fuck I want her back”
And she thinks again, “no I cant im scared.”
So she let fear overwrite everything.

Everything became nothing.

So I stood there and watched her as her tears flowed down
And she looked into my eyes,
With such hatred, and angst
Yet with sorrow and fear
It spoke so loud to me
I gave her back that same glare
“you made this happen; we could make everything alright at first
but you didn’t wna try, you’d rather kill a love so beautifully bloomed.”
I thought I was the one who ought to be crying.
Because she was the one who decided on it.

I wanted so much to stop time,
To tell those Eyes to Smile for me
To whisper into her Delicate Ears
To hold her Tender Hands
To kiss her soft Smooth Lips
To erase the Burdens upon her Shoulders
To hush her Quiet Sobs
To hug her so so tight
To be with her, the person im so in love with.

Hey you, will you end this pain

you.

2007-08-19T06:21:00.001-07:00

After school Thursday and Friday
Aiyo I forgot what happened
I know Friday was crazy tryna finish up written report. pfft.
OH OH OH! went bubbletea-ing with lynard and nashey and huiyun (that bitch I tell you went off with you-know-who before we were even done with bonding) and jihui of course. :)
Back at school, Nash pushed me into the guys toilet and lynard was changing. hahahaha
And the boys they went to play soccer. Leaving me with jihui and we were hungry
So we went to eat hellopanda. :) fool you.
And sexy Nicole and darling and nippleface were being irritating. :(
FIFTY BUCKS EACH LUH you round up enough money then we’ll do it in your face! ;)

SSP SATIRDAY

Hmm didn’t do anyth except two questions and getting justinana’s to copy
Hannah! You have to tell me what happen okay! :) I WNA KNOW!!!
Yeah and all I did was wait for one o’ clock, so those asses would move and we could hurry eat so I wont be late. Which in the end I was :(

I love you. You know I do.

Yeah went back for more bubbletea-ing with jihui daryn and lynard
I LOVE BUBBLETEA <33
Hey you, Thank you for being there. :)
So went back after, emo with jihui, all the way home
Remember if you wna jump down uh, text me okay.
We go steal police car, kill the policemen
Then on the engine, sit and wait to die
Set uh, but must go buy proper clothes okay! :) We go shopping!
I think we’ll make huiyun jealous, WE get to sit police car :)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay I have to go copy homework, later lynard coming to get or smtg!

PS. Bestie<3>:( why Monday so slow. I got things I need to rant and scream and yell and roar and exeunt from my brains and heart and soul and cells and ugh! get it out of me bestie where are you :( <88

our love

2007-08-19T06:20:00.003-07:00

Is the love I gave her in the past, gna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes.

And then sit and laugh as youre holding his hand
The thought of that just shatters my heart it breaks in my soul and it tears me apart
I need you and I miss you and I want you and I love you.
Reach in your heart; I know im still there.

And you know you love me
So what the fuck are you doing?

Its not that I don’t wna be with you baby, I do

I can see clearly the sorrows in your eyes
It spoke so loud to me
Hey, did you hear it too?

WHEN PUSH CAME TO SHOVE

2007-08-19T06:20:00.001-07:00

The last thing I remembered, you were never coming home never
For all the wounds that are never gna scar me
For all the pain that wont consume me
For the fire that will inflict the insane tenderness

If you’ve decided to leave, do it at one shot. Don’t pull me in and eject me out. Don’t.

Give me something to believe in, cos I don’t believe in you anymore.
It’s the fourth time or smtg and I don’t want falling into that torrential pit of tears again.

IBELONGTOME
IDONTBELONGTOYOU
IAMMYPOSESSION
I’LLBEMYOWNAFFECTION

its was our life; our life

2007-08-15T22:41:00.000-07:00

be careful where you stand,
it might be pieces of me at your feet

everyone i know
says im a fool to mess with you
everyone i know
says its a stupid thing to do

you say i've missed the point
but its you im missing;

and I know that it's so cliché
to tell you that everyday
i spend with you is the new best day of my life

im racking my brain for a new improved way
to let you know youre more to me than what i know how to say

i cant live in a world without you now
all my life i been searching for you
how did i survive in this world before you?
cause i dont want to live another day without you now
this is the best thing
the best thing that could be happening
and i think you would agree
the best thing is that its happening to you and me

are you the person im looking for

2007-08-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

thank you for the lollipop ;)

and afterall, youre my wonderwall :)

thanks for being there and your brillant ways advising how to reply :)

and no thanks to using up all my brain cells :(

next time we need to concentrate more!

i survived you

2007-08-15T06:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Monday :)
And jihui didn come school
But I met her after anyway
Yeah we were doing work :) (and laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh)
I swear we were doing her toopid essay
And whalao, all I write one la

Ponned Chinese today
And met jihui to go meet jietrina and babyshanna
But those two didn’t come cos babyshanna had nightmare :(
So it was me and jihui agn :)
And lynard too :)
Yeah we only did three qns
Cos she went a bit crazy

Char: you crazy uh! sot (salt) already uh!
Jihui: hhhahaaahhhhaaa no la im sugar!

Went for mass, old friends yadda yadda

Aiya I have no fucking mood to do anything.
I need bubble-tea. Person-im-looking-for, where are you.

Bestie I NEED TO FUCKING TALK TO YOU.

where were you while we were getting high
this pill, that bottle
in a champagne supernova in the sky

and i wish you well

2007-08-15T06:48:00.000-07:00

Euge,
I love you.
And there you have me at your mercy again
How you never fail to twirl me round
And leave me with nothing again
Times spent with you, I’ll never forget
But if you can let him in,
I don’t think you love me enough
Well that makes sense to me
And that’s alright baby.
Sooner or later I’ll just get tired and move on too.
But Remember how much I love you.

maybe I was a fool
but at least I was a fool for you.
maybe im crazy
but im crazy for you, about you.
maybe im in love
but im in love, with you.

The lights will shine the brightest, even when im not around
Your smile will be its widest, even when im not there
Your eyes will still speak its thousand words, even if its not for me

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones
And I will try, to fix you.

Remember this song, I wrote it on your table.

If I wrote you a symphony, just to say how much you mean to me

would you replay it everyday
would you just crush and throw it away

i hate you

2007-08-15T06:46:00.000-07:00

Consuming myself with anger is my Best Getaway

And I know how you can do this
And I know how I let you in
And I know where im going
And I know what im doing.
I’ll let you in on a secret, I don’t know anything.

The emotions raged to the extremes
Like the scalding hot water
And feel it freezing again.
And again hot and cold, and again.
Feel it, like a waterfall, down the humps of those burnt skin

You brought me high, to throw me down
I should have known you were going back to him
Cos its happened before
And I should have known
Not be so dumb to let you in all over again
And I thought Sixteen would be a nice number
Planned the things im gna say
Planned how I was gna put it through
So you wont have to doubt me Leaving Ever Again
And I was willing to take that risk, for you.

The stars are shining so Brightly in the sky,
And I wonder which one is for me.
Told myself things couldn get any worse
But I guess I was wrong.

My paper heart you Stole
You promised you’d Hold
And keep it Safe for Me
But you didn’t
You shredded it up
Pounded it on that Cold Hard Floor
And gave it back to me
Pieces so small I couldn contain it in my Hands
So it gone Blown away by that
Same wind that blew South
And blew You away from Me

This paper heart bleeds for you
can you feel the blood trickling
can you feel it

Its hard to believe and pick myself up from all these
but at least now, replacing it with anger
I think I might just be able to do it
Finding Another is no hard chore
The hardest is losing it all

from these wounds

2007-08-13T23:58:00.000-07:00

and now i recognize your face and my folly
for longer days and nights this strange redemption'
with words you've bled me dry
now dust falls from these wounds

i will not give in to fascist beliefs and i am not a Fool
i will not let pride in my core be rooted out
i will stand firm on my beliefs
live life the master of my destiny
see no other way to live

who am i kidding?

it may seem at last, days passing mean Nothing
but the sun that sets cause only Pain
violence in Words, like Slashes, wound deeply
Love is not when you feel only pain

Love lost
arrogant whore
paint strife on this canvas
Failure i am a fool
i should have seen

you wont come back, look at you i know you wont.

the lies; the tries

2007-08-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

I cant wait to fall in love, with you
You cant wait to fall in love, with me
This just cant be summer love, you’ll see
This just cant be summer love, l.o.v.e

And I’ve got life waiting for me
And a girl I want to chase
So Please Please Please
Make up your mind so I can sleep well tonight.

You need to know
I love you
But we both know this wont work out the way it did before
I know
You love me
But this wont work
Im scared to fall for the same thing again and again
go back to him, you need him, he needs you

Tonight was studying with nard and jihui :) (My life drowsy medicine)

And I went to sinseh, waited for one whole hour.

Oh my god he press until fucking pain can,
But BRAVE ME haha never scream :)

Anyhow
Im waiting for that jihui to text after finishing her homework
(now who’s the slacker)
and im bored looking through my EoM.

DID I MENTION I FINISH TWO HISTORY ESSAYS LAST NIGHT!
Oboy, I feel so hardworking :)

TO DEBBIE: don’t make the wrong decisions I made. And the sorrow you’ll face. Be strong and do things right. So you wont have to regret it. Maybe sometimes its best we let go. And they might come back to kill again, but we’ll be strong and we'll make it right. Loveyou girl, and it sucks to see you so down.

TO LALA: girl, you need to get clear what you want, and whats best for you. Think carefully what makes you suffers and kills you. Which one does that little pink heart wants. Cheer up too please. :)

yes, dreams are meant for sleeping.
did you read it already?

the thought that brings back the fear

2007-08-11T06:07:00.000-07:00

Went for ssp today
When there wasn when we got there
Haha wtf

Got pretty angsted up in the morning
Yeah I know its my fault.

Shian Debbie im sorry

I did math today
And hanging out with jihui too much
Makes you really tired
Shes like a LIFE drowsy medicine.

And stupid huiyun and jihui kept making me laugh
People tired can
And I fell down the stairs
And screwed my leg up hooray

Means no fencing on Monday :(
No pe on Tuesday :(

I’ll ride the seas again,
Just as soon as I get over the fear of the waves.

Its not so easy baby.

"I belong to me, I don’t belong to you
my heart is my possession,
I’ll be my own affection”

it gives me that silly grin,
thinking of you slipping your little fingers into mine ;)

how many special people change

2007-08-10T00:40:00.000-07:00

I had pizza for dinner last night.
Suppose to eat with lynard and jean.
But my dad decides to throw a temper

After he found my pack that is.

Ah Whatever la.

Have been grumpy all day.

Meeting lynard in a while.

Oh gosh I haven found a day I don’t see lynard.

Cry cry,
Let it out.
No one will laugh at you for being silly.
Nobody’s heart’s made of gold or sliver.
Just let it out
Cry, cry it out.

Do you still miss me like you said you did
Do you really love him

And I love you bestie! <3

“and the thought crosses my mind
if I’ll never wake in the morning
would she ever doubt the way I feel about her in my heart.

If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I love her
Did I try in every way or show her everyday, shes my only one.”

Its not so bad
Youre only the Best I ever had
I Don’t Want you back
Youre just the Best I ever had.

I cant take it, so I runaway and hide
Let me stay here, right here.

2007-08-09T02:53:00.000-07:00

i saw this person with his heart broken i suppose,

and there was a trail behind him

the broken remains that were left of him

and i used to think,

i couldn be like ths, cos i really couldn take it.

and i thought it would never happen to me

cos i trusted her when she said she wouldn go

cos she loved me hell.

and i believed her

and left my heart in her hands

well i continued walking on this path

and i turned back to look to see what has happened to me

everything happened too fast

and i found that same trail that i saw from that man

behind me and how long the trail has been

and how she crushed everything that i left in her hands

she crushed it, and left.

shes gone char, she wont come back.

pour the champagne

2007-08-09T00:02:00.000-07:00

here's a toast to those

whose love got sold out.

and to those who sold their love out.

today is thursday (:

yesterday is wednesday. (:

ytd sarah piggyback me to school :)
cos my ankle pain.

then celebrations were okay a bit boring okay VERY BORING.

then we went to watch ALONE.
oh my god the dumbest thing i ever agreed to.

lynard shian debbie hannah peishan justina aishan and maine :D

me and maine was just covering our eyes
and LYNARD kept making us open our eyes.
WE WERE FUCKING SCARED CAN!

after that went home.
met lynard at night to eat ice cream and bubbletea :)

this morning, daddy found my pack :(
and i had long lecture by him.
and jihui thinks he's cute. ?

then i went to sinseh and that guy insisted he pressed not pain,
WHALAO WHO KNOWS BETTER RIGHT! >:(

after, met lynard and brenda and jihui :)
went bubbletea-ing ;)

so here i am doing project again.
can you believe it, we're singing karoke with little belbel :)
shes bloodddddyyyyy cute i tell you!

bel bel: charlene jiejie
char: mmm ya?
bel bel: i want to read and count
char: hahaha okay, whats this? (point to picture)
bel bel: ah? i dont know!

damn cute i tell you!

where is your boy tonight,
i hope he's a gentleman.

its a new start :)

2007-08-07T06:27:00.000-07:00

Today was crappy hahaha

I sprained my ankle and it hurt through the day.
Dreamed for most of the lessons.
Drinking soup for all my meals

Ya lor like that.

Its after school I look forward to ;)

Went bubbletea-ing with lynard and jihui ;)
And after lynard left
we kept laughing and laughing
I don’t know why hahaha

I hope I took it all off your mind,
So at least it wouldn be too clogged mmm? :)

We went back and me jihui did maths :\
Then went out again bubbletea-ing with huiyun nash and JIHUI :)

And after was home with nash

Reasons why nash is a irritaing moron:
1. he licked my arm
2. taught me to watch porn so I could learn
to have sex in case this hot bitch comes up. (im very decent you boy!)
3. then he took my ezlink and gave me his (I CANT FIGURE OUT WHY)
4. THEN he tried to force me to yawn so I would bite his finger and he could scream.
WTH RIGHT!

But going home with you is fun fun :)

EoM now :(

when you got what you want, but not what you need

2007-08-06T18:54:00.000-07:00

i love charlene's flat boobs.
cos i was the one who smacked them FLAT!!!

love,
clar.

haaha crazy pok.

i just sprained my ankle :(

ytd i had training and then out for bubbletea
with lynard and jihui :)

its always bubbletea.

then i went home.
and i had scolding for i swear, NO APPARENT REASON.

whalao. bastard.

lynard boy, you cannot die i dont allow.
later nobody give me talks on life :(

i have three boyfriends : lynard junyan and kenny HAHAHA
i have four girlfriends : debbie eve eleanor kristine HAHAHA

i dont have anything else to say to you.

call me a jerk

2007-08-05T09:30:00.001-07:00

hahaha IM ONLINE

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT

AND IM STUCK DOING EoM pfft

BUT HEY HAH HAH HAH! (:

and some part of me was hoping
for that goodnight text
you'd send every night.
even though i'd just talk to you
two seconds ago online.
i was just hoping.

LYNARD YOU KNOW LIFE WOULD BE BETTER SOMEDAY.

nobody said it was easy

2007-08-05T07:32:00.001-07:00

Just came home from downstairs

Lynard came home with me.

And he bought more.

And I just watched him cos I was all READY to go home

And I NEEDED TO PEE >:(

We were with huiyun and her bestfriend before
And trust me they were crazy :)

Yeah I wont exterminate myself for your pleasure
Maybe I would before, but no.
Yeah im moving on, unless you hope I don’t.
Which I wouldn want to, BUT..

I ask questions,
So I wont be questioned.

I keep my profile down,
So I wont be found.

Hey rahh
Twas nice talking to you
All that brainwashing.
But you know very well how we feel
Its just the cover-ups that make it look alright.

Goodnight, sweetdreams like always
I love you.

the outcome

2007-08-05T00:22:00.000-07:00

after schools are mainly with lynard and huiyun and jihui.
maybe its studying or just hanging.

friday i was with lynard and jihui and june, yeah
then after, went with june to j8 to meet ***
yeah had some heart to heart talk or smtg
even though we only known each other not long. hahaha wth.

yeah felt much better after meeting *** and brainwashing bout how shes a bitch and slut all.

so OKAY.

saturday, SSP was alright and i managed to SIT down to get some work done, maths that is.
and after was with lynard and jihui and huiyun AGAIN. yeah twas funny. bonding. hahahaha

I LOVE SATURDAYS.

after was dinner. grandpa's birthday.
met my cousins i haven seen for months
and playing with the baby hahhaha
she kept going, "jiejie. fish."
and i go "see fishy fishy" like twenty times la.

cute stuff.

hmmm sunday was boring as usual, then it was meeting up with old friends and talking :)

now im at yuenyee's house doing my WR and EoM.
and lynard and i are busy folding straw hearts for, hmm i dont know who ;)

im damn lag nowadays.

-"eh are you going out after this?"
--"uh, no"
-"oh then where you going"
--"uhh eh, out?"

damn lag luh me.

"do you know what it feels like
loving someone who's
in a rush to throw you away

do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know
the lock on the door is changed"

if you still read this,
remember what he'll promise.
remember what you promised
remember the pain
think of what you'll gain.
i love you, but go ahead.

listen to my voice its my disguise

2007-08-02T19:08:00.000-07:00

today i had pe (:
then i play basketball with kenny and i scored four consecutive (:
PRO IN THE MAKING! ;)

haha yesterday i was late again by an hour plus plus.
lynard and i were doing jihui's Eom for her.
REMEMBER YOU OWE ME TEN LOLLIPOPS. ( plus the previous one, eleven ;)
went to bubbletea-ing with jihui. ;) and talk talk :) then bubbletea
then i sent her back to school and headed home!

sorry i couldn meet you yvonne dear :\ next time, tell me before hand okay! :)

talked to nard on my way home.
and he didnt allow me to go bathe when i reached home :(
then lucky he met his friends, then I COULD GO BATHE! :)

i did chinese compo, and went to bed!

"its finally coming through, with thoughts of you filling up my mind all the time. ;) im gna make this work, just you and i :)"

hello YOU suck

2007-08-02T02:15:00.000-07:00

i spent yesterday STUDYING with jihui :)
eh i studied okay. i did maths!
then i got a little bored and tired
so jihui confiscated my book and made me study.
so i did again, a little, then i got bored.
DIFFERENTIATION IS BORING OKAY >:(
and you owe me a lollipop :)

went home with nard after :)

and i was half an hour late.

watched tv and went to bed.
and jihui was still studying. dang!

today, none of us did econs. :)
but we got our paper back, and hahah i failed, as usual!
and i listened for corrections :)

and im beside nard on my left and we're talking on msn. fool.
and jihui's on my right, doing her EOM or is suppose to do
hahahaha DO YOUR WORK LA, WANT TO RETAIN IS IT.

OKAY i have to go do work too :)

"dont screw him up before his olevels. he needs it."
and dumb me got to reading your folder again and i got upset the whole day.
im gna delete it debbie :) i will. -EVIL LAUGH :) :)

BESTIE im sorry i didnt make it down to school ytd, teeheehee you know why rightt. ;) im sorry sorry next time, i prioritise you first okay! next time next time. ;)
I LOVE YOU!

random rants

2007-07-31T22:32:00.000-07:00

school was boring. except for nicole who created a blog and is damn dumb.
hahahaa we changed shoes and i went to CITY HALL in those two UNMATCHING SHOES.
damn embarrassing la!
left school with lynard huiyun and jihui ;)
went to meet yvonne at city hall :) ytd with lynard :)))

reached home late.
got daddy to buy white shoes.

did my gp essay until twelve
while texting that moron! :)

then i went to sleep!

so boring right. dang.

this's whats left

2007-07-31T07:23:00.000-07:00

i say:
i know i have to clear this mess up myself
i have to undo all the knots.
but the times i spent with her,
i wouldn exchange it for anything else
she might not think so
cos i always say how i regret it
well think.
how am i to feel
when i see them together
she and he
not she and me.i
think she'd feel the same
if she saw her and me
not she and me.
she wont come back
she wont understand the pain.
everyone's saying how dumb i am
doing all these for her
and how she's not worth it
how she's a slut, a cheap fuck
but in my eyes,
i love her cheap or not, slut or not
i think the only reason im still stuck here,
is that i still harbour the hope
that one day she might come backto cure this pain.
but wait, i guess she's more to healing his pain.
so maybe i need time to grab myself up from the sinking sand
and drown these tears in freezing water
so i'll be too numb to feel the pain
and these tears will go away.

they say:
theres actually nothing an outsider can do
& you know how they've called her a bitch a slut
& they never approved of your relationship with her
just that they've been there for the downfalls.
"no one's gna blame you for loving her."
afterall, you dont love someone cos they're perfect
you love them for everything they're not.
and maybe you should let go
by not talking to her at all
i know it kills but its what you have to do.
youre not just some toy
she picks back up for the let down
in another relationship.
maybe she'll want you back
but you'll have to force yourself
to say no.
because you cant let her do this to you.
see her one last time,
fix it into your memory
and leave her forever.

you bloody bitch

2007-07-30T18:50:00.000-07:00

hhahaaha i never train at all yesterday.
coach never come.
so we were talking bout CIP at ijtp :)
excite eh nash nash! :)
hahaha yeah then played a bit of ball and off to dinner
with shian marcus lynard and kerine

went home with lynard.
and i walked down that alley i broke up with you.
yeah then we went up to toilet, met lynard's friend.
she say i cute ;)
heehee yeah
but whatever, we sat down for coke, and we met na and yuai
and they just made a fool of themselves with jeremy!

nicole lim yan ru is a very smart girl she is damn pretty and damn cool hahas she does not like charlene who is a very naughty girl hahas charlene often bulllies nicole till she cries.bye bye

stupid nicole! FINISH YOUR ESSAY LA STILL TALK SHIT!

yeah then i went home, got locked out for like half an hour. stupid father then went to do maths then i went to sleep. oh my god i think i have a sad life dang.

nicole is so lame i tell you she created a blog she'll never ever blog again. whoa! DAMN LAME!

say you love me
say you'd die for me
say, he's all over you
say, youre all over him
say, youre a liar, youre a bitch

HEY MISS MURDER CAN I?
MAKE BEAUTY STAY IF I, TAKE MY LIFE

2007-07-30T03:55:00.001-07:00

it's been one month since we broke up
one week since I last kissed you
one week since I last seen you
one week hershey's been with you
one day since I last received your text
one moment since I last thought of you

oh i can't forget this feeling
or your face as your leaving
but i guess that's just the way the story goes

red massacre

2007-07-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

boring boring

going home with NASH on friday was FUNNY
we had these weird conversations, you wouldn wna know what we talked about
right nashboy. :)

saturday
was pool with kenny lynard debbie luke shian ty and yvonne :)
whalao we just adjust the ball anywhere we want la those fools!
hahahaha I AM COOL NERD YVONNE! :)

we went for flashpoint after that ;)
the place was so dark i couldn see lynard's face.

hi.this is sarah.i actually have no idea what i'm gonna type in here.i just feel like typin.
thanks char for giving me this opportunity to do random typin.
and i think you suck sometimes.
and pls.stay far far away from that girl.
get to far far away land.
the fairygod mother will definitely love you.

hello this is xuelin here.
i am charlene's good friend. HAHAHAHA.
she's laughing at me right now and she's such a total idiot sometimes.
so yeah ppl who knw her, patience is virtue.
endure her nonsense and everythinge else.
she's so not cute at all. ((:
she types too slow, walk too slow, talks too slow, eat too slow.
everything about her is SLOW SLOW SLOW SLOW SLOW.
slow slow SLOW SLOW SLOW.
hahahahahah. charlene loves simxuelin.
simxuelin loves charlene too. :DDD
P.S. aint you touched char? :DDDD

oh yes yes yes! sure sure sure! :DDDDDDD

oh god. AS I WAS SAYING!
me and lynard went to wait for yvonne and turner to come.
then we went, hahahaha never mind!

sunday was BORING
except for high school musical ;)

then i rmb how you'd sing the bimbo version, exactly like sharpays

things that never happened

2007-07-26T18:37:00.001-07:00

BITCH

"at least i was her first choice, a decision she made
even though she isn my first choice"

it feels like only yesterday that you were lying here with me

yesterday's lessons were borrrinnnnggg
but went to school to meet bestie and hahahahahahahaha
so funny :)
i love going to school to find you bestie.
cheer up okay! :)
i tagged on your blog.
if you wna scream, i'll scream with you
if you wna cry, i'll tear a piece of cloth off my shirt to dry those tears.
and a stupid bird flew into neek's back. stupid bird.
hahaha see you sunday! :)

3RD AUGUST!
I CANT WAIT FOR IT BESTIE! HALF MONTH ALREADY OKAY! :) :) :)

haha dang,
i realised no one,
i mean NO ONE has approved me doing this, getting back.
but hey i love her, you all know that.
i dont know la dont ask me please.
imagine the pain, imagine the gain.

give my euge back to me
the one who loves me
miss me and
needs me so badly
that euge i fell in love with
the girl i am in love with
the girl who wouldn kill me so badly
give my euge back to me

remember that kiss and what it worked
what you told me four days ago, yeah sure.

oh, i miss my baby

i need you there. say you'll be there.

ride a jet over seas.

watching the clock every hour waiting to here from you.

i love you and i miss you.

would it be too much if i kiss you.

baby let me paint this picture, with you.

chocolates and liquor

2007-07-25T22:28:00.000-07:00

met euge the previous day
gave her hamster she called hershey.
and the book which everyone died together with me

thanks all (:
and lynard for all those windows you made out of those papers
and everyone else who said i was stupid and dumb or too sweet or a fucker
thank you! its over! :)

its was those bus rides
it was that hand
the kiss
that set me apart

i had a maths test ytd i lied to my dad i studied
i took a australian maths thing and they asked me
how many floors a building has
how far a bee walked
how to complete sudoko
whoa damn dumb.
we just talked through it and this guy was like
"eh come on! i paid five bucks to think!"
and we continued talking hahaha
i ate dinner like nine ten last night watching tv.
then i went to sleep cos i had a bad headache.

twas such a happy day yesterday
i saw her so many many many times :) :) :) :)
pretty right pretty right! :) :) :) :)
teeheeheehee!

this morning my dad sent me to school.
then all of us were sitting in the canteen and ganesh came
EVERYBODY RAN
whoa next time got fire he just step in, everybody run uh! FIRE also run uh!
HAHAHAHAHA debbie couldn stop laughing when i said that.

im so tired today.
and im going to meet maine later
oh yeah i told neek i'll be schooling on wed sorry!

i love nash! :)

"eew disgusting.
doesn seem like
you need me
like i need you
so okay i get it.
my last text with you
hmm say six am?
whatever luh."

haha oboy
char is angsty today
and when char's angsty...

when's dinner stelli!
make time for me eh! ;)
sure sure! :)

with all my heart, i layed down everything i had

2007-07-23T18:56:00.000-07:00

yesterday going home with nash was INTERESTING.
whahahahaha now i know now i know my boy isn that an angel afterall!
damn naughty. now now dont teach me bad! :)

shian and him click so well talking bout the most disgusting food they've eaten. hahaha fools

he said im doing this
well yeah okay
he said im doing that
well yeah okay
he said im doing this and that
well yeah okay
so? i did it all before.

"take your time
make you decision
i'd say follow your heart
but you might wna follow the other
i love you
you know i do"

if there was only one place to go with one person, that'd be you. we'll go away. just you and i.

blind eyes shine bright

2007-07-23T18:49:00.000-07:00

come up to meet you,

tell you im sorry

you dont know how lovely you are

i had to find you

tell you i need you

tell you i set you apart

tell me your secrets

and ask me your questions

oh lets go back to the start

running in circles

coming up tales

heads on a scilence apart

nobody said it was easy

oh it's such a shame for us to part

nobody said it was easy

no one ever said it would be so hard

im going back to the start

its not so bad, youre just the best i ever had

2007-07-22T19:56:00.001-07:00

i pon chinese to finish things up :)

mmm church was so boring ytd.
haha oh i met neek and her mom's nice! :)
see you on wed! :)

hhaaahah SSP IS THE DUMBEST THING ALIVE
i sat there for FIVE hours doing nothing but cutting tape and pasting paper and nobody caught me. now i have a whole long list of people wanting to be my girlfriend for the day JUST SO THEY CAN GET THAT BOOK. haha you crazy bunch of nutheads.
haha bobby you funny leh, dont see i sweet only then cry leh!
i start crying then you know uh!

i went to the national library tht day and met shian debbie junyan meini and dea all
we were at reference section so my sister's winx club bag was to put in the locker.
that bloody dumb fuck was like
nic: jie!
char: ha what?
nic: haha i feel so important!
char: WHY?
nic: cos i get to put thing inside locker!

haha crazy thing you!

"its not so bad, youre just the best i ever had"

the greetings and goodbyes

2007-07-19T18:23:00.000-07:00

oh boy i had so much fun at school with bestie yesterday!

and thank you lynard! :)

me and bestie went talking talking and she was a bit cranky
she went to play with the fire extinguisher and white foamy thing came out but then, cannot press the thing again :( nothing came out :(

haha then we went to walk on the roof some kid saw us and she was like oh my god
crazy bitch hahaha and maine hid sunset in the cupboard!
bestie stole a sushi for me from the art room! hahaha but bestie, i think its still with you dear!

after that was a stroll out at the void deck! (you know where we went what we did bestie!)
and i swear i think we looked super stupid okay like oh god. :)

later was MAJOR crapping with amanda chew neek and yuxuan i think! :)
they all just laugh at me la and they just take turns to be outcasts. dumb fucks!

but ohwells i had fun! relieved it a bit. :)

YVONNE! cheer up my dear! dont worry too much bout them alright!
i'll be here when you need me! :)

i wont go soft ever again for everytime you tell me you still love me and how you haven forgetten it all cos your actions tell a whole different story and i wont believe you again everytime i go soft i miss you so bad but i know you wouldn even take a glance back to see if we could start over but no you dont and im leaving this love behind even though it hurts like hell and i love you so so much but this's got to have an end so dont come saying i have a new number one cos you have one too and sorry but this is the reality of the pain that lingers . goodbye.

"dont take too long to say
i love you to the ones you love
cos time has a habit
of slipping away"

down the river to forget in hades

2007-07-18T22:37:00.000-07:00

today i saw her today hahaha number one, yesterday was number two, hahaha less importance, and she said hi to me! :) :) :) :) :) :)

oh boy! im soooo happy! :))))))))))))

mornings with sarah and rocky are FUN! :) <33
AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT WE HAVEN WATCHED HARRYPOTTER SARAH! >:(

and im so screwed my dad wants to talk to almost all my teachers and fucking hell he doesn look like he's gna give me back my phone, so if he doesn, next tuesday i should be using the 9433 number again! :)

this morning lala tried to tighten my boobs when i helped her carry her back and she was behind me holding my bag up, so the strap like tightened my boobs, whalao!! :) ahahah kidding laaa :)

mmmm bestie! please cheer up, i dont want seeing you so sad alright :( please dont make rash decisions please! learn from your elders (me that is) and dont dont dont so sad alrights? :) i'll always be here for you whenever you need me :) i love you bestie! <3
"believe me when i say i'll never go, i'll never leave you alone."

i'll be just fine
pretending i'm not
i'm far from lonely
and it's all that i've got

never again

2007-07-18T01:03:00.000-07:00

does it hurt

to know i'll never be there

bet it sucks

to see my face everywhere

it was you

who chose to end it like you did

i was the last to know

you knew exactly what you were doing

and don't say

you simply lost your way

he may believe you

but i never will

never again

nash said this poem on monday, he said it was a soccer cheer HAHAHAHA

it goes like this:

theres a place on mars

where the women dont wear bras

and the men, they dont care

cos they dont wear underwear

whaaaat the helll right!

hahaha i saw HER TODAY! :))))

and debbie all cut my shortage of supply of her :(

and i kept pouting after that :(

and lala angry with me :(

but then i came to the library, AND THERE SHE WAS! :) :) :)

teeheehee! :)

mmm hehehe, i burped super loudly at history lecture today, everyone just laughed la,

oh my god so embarrassing! but how i know it'd be so loud right! :(

hahaha no harrypottering today. but meeting shian to watch them do tabletennis then off to meet sarah and rocky to "study". ( which obviously will never happen ) hahahahaha

BYEBYE! :)

To Euge, With Love

2007-07-18T00:43:00.000-07:00

and just maybe you wont be reading this,

but i gotta get it outta me.

i can see youre happy with him now,

so i think i should find something that makes my day myself

and maybe, just maybe you still need me

but somehow i dont see it anymore.

so now i can have proper meals

proper conversations with my parents

proper time i should be going home

proper time spent with studying, or tv for that matter.

and now i can use all the money i've been saving

for that ring and hamsters that i was going to get for you

tonight, i will put that jacket thats layered with your smell into thewash

cos i dont want to be relying on it anymore,

smelling it like some drug every morning and before bedtime

im loving you missing you hell and your name's heavily deeply engraved in my heart

but i'll cover it with a whole new layer or granite and stone

so i wont feel and i'll heal

and i can carve someone else's name on it

so you'll only be buried somewhere deep deep within my heart.

i will write every thing that happened on paper

so everything wouldn have to be in my heart

i'll write it on paper and give it to you

so i wouldn have to remember anything i had with you

saying i'll forget will be a lie, but yeah thats it.

so someday i wont be so afraid when i clear out under my bed

afraid i'll dig up those past memories of you and find myself aching crying

so i'll leave on this note,

to tell you i love you i miss you i need you

like i always have, like i always will

but i think you'll wna have him in your life

so i think i shouldn fight anymore cos im so so tired.

but i love you.

so this's goodbye, one last time.

love, char

this thing you call love

2007-07-16T18:41:00.000-07:00

youve got the hating starting

hahaha this morning was so funny i tell you
i went up and down six cabins trying to find this cj or mi girl i saw that day
oboy, i think she took the earlier train rocky! next time, EARLIER TRAIN!

HAHAHA stupid nippleface wore such thin bra, amelia like had to put tissue as padding for her so they wouldn be so obvious HHAHAHAHA damn hilarious i tell you!

"this thing
it teaches me how to feel
how to give my all
how to feel hurt,
and yet give me a certain high-
like this sweet sweet sensation
that sends chills down my spine
its just this thing
i think they call it love"

this thing you call love,
consumed all my soul
leaving me hard and cold.
this thing you call love,
killed me all
with the same hard fall.
this thing you call love
left me hard and lonely,
cos youre my one and only.

lala dont cry
tears give you puffy eyes
lala dont cry
its not worth it to leave you dry
lala dont cry
i'll be here, all your life :) <3

cheer up prunellalalalalala <3

rocky today pool uh! :)

that box

2007-07-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

i have a box,
thats locked up
somewhere in my heart.
inside are tapes of recording
of every moment
every sound
every sneeze
every yawn
every movement
that you make.
i placed it locked so deep
so only i would find it
so that those very same tapes
would play my favourite clips
over and over again.